So. I might as well take a peek at the last year. I've grown up a lot. I've been a person I swore I'd never be.
January came with the rush of tech crew, new semesters, letting a close factor go. No more was I going to have an hour with this boy that I had liked forever. But we were growing tighter as townspeople and tech.
February reminded me of my singleness, and the ever looming show dates. I reallllllly don't remember all the way the early months. I was in pottery with friends' future boyfriend, but I avoided him like the plague. I'll admit to that one.
March brought....my birthday and the biggest emotional breakdown I have experienced. (Until November. lol) I had the fallout in the theatre, in public. But I love all of you, you all made sure that I was okay. Stress grabbed me and didn't leave me alone. March also brought happiness. A successful birthday party. Happy friends, lovely times.
April brought Central. And my warmer feelings for college. Not for the weather. I feel like April was really cold. AUDITIONS. I auditioned for Midsummers. And I went home upset. And I made tech. Party.
May was the show. The realness that he didn't want me in his life anymore. I wasn't even a friend. He closed a door and locked me out, for a problem that wasn't my own. He didn't know what he wanted or needed and paniced. IT broke my heart. I wrote poetry to deal. I learned to move on with a boy who was to fall for anything girl. I moved on again. I realized just how close I was to loosing friends I hoped to keep. May also brought my first big fight with my sister. This was probably harder to deal with then the boy. But! It's okie dokie. We're still tight. We're going underwear shopping. I love her.
June was summer. June was happy. June was reconnecting with a WONDERFUL girl. June was Cinderella. June was beautiful. June was ideas. June was change.
July was hello teenage driver, and fixing relationships with boy from May. July was nice. July was summer. :)
August was the introduction to the college of choice. Western. With it's beautiful campus, the gorgeous fountain and the benches where I want to sit and read at. Ohhh. Lovelovelove. August brought excitement for a new year. Summer boy fro my sister. Arguments. Realizing my values as a person. Knowing my heart. Growing up. Making up with Sister.
September was jumping into my second to last year of high school. Ever. I also met my male best friend this month. I actually really didn't like him at this point. He was just....drama. And ridiculous. Not that this changed, but I warmed up to him. haha.
October brought drama from homecoming. that I really wish would just go away. It really, and honestly never left. It just intensified. My relationship with MBF got wayy closer.
November was my month of growth. Stupidity, yes, but growth. November brought my emotional breakdown triggered by a death in my family combined with the painful run through. I realized that I like MBF. He made it clear that we'd be friends for a longg time, that I had a soft spot in him. Novemeber also brought major mistakes. Stupidity, and the need to be close. He misses it. I miss it. But I wouldn't go back. It was ridiculous, and stupid and we'll never be fully recovered from the kick in the pants that it gave us. I was grounded forever. He got with girl. De ja vu. Just like the spring. Amen.
December has been fun. Though I've been grounded for about...two thirds of it, it's been fun. Jokes, love, and hope has been passed. Christmas, and the upcoming excitement over New Years. I never would've thought I'd make it this far. That I'd really be this happy. It's beautiful, December. How gorgeous everything is. Even hot flames are sorta cute.... until you get that red flag.
Twenty Ten. It's been a hell of a ride. And I make my wishes at 11.11 hoping that Twenty Eleven holds magic. Magic to prove to me that all I have been patient for is worth it. All that I have been waiting for is here.
Dear 2011,
You seem like a magical time. Like really, with the guesses others have made, you could be eternally epic. Bittersweet as well. I'll have to learn to let go. Let go of my MBF and Sister. As they step into the next chapter of their lives, as I'm stuck here in this chapter. With the same people, living the same routine. And as magical and fabulous as I'm sure it will be, I'm going to miss them.
2011, Please make everything I stay up at night for worth this. Make the story of us, become beautiful.
Much love,
Always yours,
JB
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