Dear Mom..

Dear Mom,
Chances are you'll see this.
You 'magically' know what my blog is saying.
But, I just wanted to let you know:
Thank you.
For everything.
Because, even though we talked until two in the morning.
We talked until two in the morning.
And I don't feel as scared to open up.
I'm ware that we can't be friends yet.
And I'm going through shiz that I need a friend, not a mother.
I'm really sorry that I don't alway like to open up to you.
You have your thoughts,
I have mine.
I know he's a moron and dangerous,
But I can't help but miss him.
Despite your views, he still was one of my best friends.
And I know he's not being very bright,
But he calls me pretty and gives me confidence that I don't have.
I trust him through and through, and if I wasn't for that one 'unspeakable'
We could be together.
I know you wish you could protect me, but I need to fall.
Crash
Burn
I need to be hurt.
Because the pain will make me stronger.
You'll see.
I love you loads.
I always have and always will.
And like how he's hitting hormones hard, I'm hitting being a teenager hard.
I always prided myself on not being a stereotypical teenager.
But I've failed.
I'm a teenager.
And it sucks, because I'm better than all of this that I'm playing.
I'm dealt lovely cards, and I'm not being wise.
I'm really, really sorry for putting you through the emotional grinder.
For putting you through this stress.
I never meant to hurt you.
I'm acting with my heart, not with my mind.
And when I do use my mind, I ignore my gut.
It's problematic and awful.
I'm a weakling and a 'noob' at all this emotional stuff.
I don't handle any of it well.
I'm still your little girl, she's just more grown up.
A tad taller,
Her hair is longer,
She's thinking for herself more.
She's ran to places that should've been avoided.
But she's still yours.

One year and four months until we can be friends,
I can't wait for that day.

Much love,
Your Daughter.