Life is Art. I like Spring Break.

I will forever and always be that kid who sees scenes in novels strictly in flowing colors. My dreams are always black and white, or sepia, but rarely color is ever seen. All my dreams look like classic movies, which is AWESOME. Why? Being asked to prom in Times Square? So awesome in black and white. Just sayin'. (Excuse my dreams. I got caught up on prom and NY last night. Mes apologies... )

So. Mostly, I leave tomorrow. I meet the Roommate on SATURDAY. WHOO!!!

I just needed to throw that bit in there. I am meeting her so so so so so soon. I can hardly sit still. In fact, sitting still will be a fancy skill I learn at approximately nineish? Maybe? Tomorrow when we head towards Bellingham. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm terribly excited. But the possibility of getting stuck on the pass? EW. Last time that happened I complained to a friend a lot and had to pee a lot and hoyboy it was bad times. And the the amount of large trucks that pass you on the edge of the pass and that just sends me into another whole world of panic. As much as I love that, let's avoid that. The faster over the pass too would be awesome. We don't need Vertigo to come back. I've quite liked life with the very mild form that has stuck around. He's easily dealt with, but the big brother version? LORD HELP ME.

On a very fast side note. Now that I clicked 'Update', I can't find anything on here. Fancy tags bar, come back to me! Just kidding. The official name is called 'Labels' and it's been staring me in the face. Cool beans.

Also, Jealousy is a bug. No need to further explain my pains on that, but jealousy is not my friend. hahaha, Not that it should be anyone's friend.

Sometime soon I will have a Spring Break that is to go on the radar. Like, Oh hey guys look how I visited Southern France. That's Southern French sun that is heating my fluorescent skin. Take. That.

Until that point, this kid will be happily traveling to Bellingham, finding a prom dress, possibly skype-ing with the boys (plus one girl), and updating a spring wardrobe. Also missing her cats. A lot. THEO <3

Over and out. (Rocketship sounds: Go.)

Don't cry, love, Don't cry.

I can officially turn the page. The End. Ciao. 

I am no longer expected to dedicate my hours to the theatre department. Alice fell through. So, I am no longer "that theatre kid". I don't have a label, nor a home per se anymore. I mean, yes, the theatre will always be your home, but it's not the same when you haven't been living there. No, my house is now my home. The love on my friends faces is where I find home. 

Scars will be open tomorrow, and for me, it's most difficult to know that my brothers, my senior brothers, are doing this lap without me. But they'll be fantastic, they never needed me there. It was never because of me that they shined. They do that on a daily basis on their own. It's how they are. Now I get to sit in the audience and be in awe at their talent; I can really play that "mommy" part. 

Tomorrow, I will be strong, because it's not a day of mourning. Yes, it sucks. Yes, my gut feeling of needing ice cream drenched in chocolate and covered in brownie bits was correct, THIS ISN'T THE END. It's not the end until you die, and I am not dying until I've reached the stars. And in case you haven't noticed, I'm incredibly short, and I have a LONG ways to go. (Long way to go = Long Life.) Tomorrow, others need my strength. Like I needed theirs earlier this evening, they may have mine tomorrow. 

This department has been my awkward growing up. I feel like I'm on the Harry Potter cast, and I'm Dan, or Rupert, or Emma. I'd be Emma. If you take the Golden Trio, and dump in on the theatre seniors, we fit rather well. I'm just nothing like Hermione. But other than that. ANYWHO. Emma Watson said this during the premiere of the final film:

"It's overwhelming to try and find the words to say what I want to say, but I have been so privileged to play this role and be a part of these films." 

I feel the same way. I have been so honored to have grown up in the protection of the department. It's seen me at my best, and my worst. The people I have met, and the friends I have made have walked footprints on my heart. I never thought the end would actually come. It always felt so far away, but here it is. 

And I'm sad, don't get me wrong. I got the text messaged picture, and tears fell. Rapidly at that. You don't want to be the one to have to turn away. But this time, I was elected to go, and despite the tears I can smile. Because it's made my life so much more satisfying and beautiful. I thank those who stand as stars, who are my friends, who have loved me even when I shouldn't be, who have supported the crazy long nights and the no homework done the next day, who don't mind my blunt side, to those who always supported me. 

This chapter may have ended tonight around ten thirty. But, this book doesn't end for another three months. 

Looks like I'll just have to make the most of that, won't I? 

<3

He's more the Harry type, don't you think? 

And he's the more Ron Weasely.

Confidence! What? What?

 

Today was auditions for Alice. Auditions for anything always make me feel naked and slightly insecure. Unfortunately, el director man wants us to go CRAZY. If you know me, I don't go crazy. I'm not a extroverted person. I'm actually rather introverted. I love people, don't get me wrong, but acting like a fool, I do that enough on my own by accident. I don't tap into that on command well though.

I do, however, have loads of loud extroverted friends who don't go a few minutes without making slight fools of themselves. It's completely by choice, don't get me wrong, and I love them for it. 

Anywho, the biggest problem with auditions is that your confidence takes a bludger (yes, a bludger) to the throat. You spend three ish hours comparing yourself to thirty plus other girls, and you go home to over think what you performed. It's a vicious circle, because you ask other people what they thought and it's not always something you want to hear. (Shout out to Sound of Music). 

Point of this? I'm not over thinking mine today. To be honest, I think it's because I was more worried that I'd start coughing, my voice would break, or my runny nose would start... sprinting? And luckily for this kid none of that happened. Only stumble during the auditions... I messed up on a line, but I wasn't the only one, and lord knows I have difficulty talking anyways. hahaha. 

So... Moral of today? 

Love the little things. Today, the people who aren't necessarily in that "core" group of friends really stepped up for me. It's hard to come to school after having a fever the day before. You just can't deal with that many energies without getting a headache. So the simple, "Good luck! Feel better." Or the "You're a trooper." Or the "You should sit next to me!" Or the "You'll be awesome. I have faith." 

It meant the world and more to me. Auditions are stressful. Amen for friends. Amen for confidence. Even when you got to fake it. 

Happy basically Friday! 

Say I Love You When You're Not Listening

Not only is this video beautifully crafted, but it's the perfect soundtrack of my world right now. Now that the "Winter" chapter has closed, I'm struggling to get a hold on my reality again. I've spent the last few nights crying it out to patch myself together for the next day. I think mostly, I'm in shock that it has come to an end. I lived in one space for three weeks, non stop, with the same fifty people and learned to become a family. Now? We're separated, back into the routine we were in months ago. Just a few more hand prints on our hearts.

I don't know how past senior felt, graduating from their very last high school musical, but for me this is one of the tallest hurdles to get over. As wonderful as pictures are, nothing will match that feeling that this cast brought. I found a home a tad too late to enjoy. I apologize to those for my snappiness, my bitter comments. I do love you, but I'm human. And I need sleep to function. Unfortunately, I'm not having the best luck finding that, even after I've put away the makeup kit, put the tap shoes to bed.

"Aren't you Don Lockwood?"

"So's your Aunt Tilly!"


"Make sure to keep my distance, say I love you when you're not listening." 

It's the only thing I've got anymore. The memories of all the loving, caring, sweetest people that I've hand the honor to meet and get to know over the course of the last three months. If I could tour with that cast, I'd be the happiest girl on the planet. I would never get sick of it. But, because life is made of beginning's and endings. It's time for me to say goodbye to the happiest moments of my senior year, and say hello to the sun rise just around the corner. This won't be the first goodbye I have to make, nor will it be the last. But I am loved, and in the end, that's what matters. 

Laugh at me. I dare you.

"They all laughed at Christopher Columbus

When he said the world was round

They all laughed when Edison recorded sound

They all laughed at Wilbur and his brother

When they said that man could fly"

Ella Fitzgerald

Within the last week, my fancy shmancy 'senior seminar' class had the army representative come in to "open our minds." He was maybe fifteen minutes into his talk when  he shut down my dream career goal. He isn't the only one though who looks at the arts and gives me that 'are you crazy?' look. Fine, so the arts aren't know to bring in piles and piles of cash, but I suck with numbers. End of story. I think most of my bitterness comes from finding that one thing that I couldn't be more thrilled about in life, to learn that it's a stupid career goal. Being a doctor or engineer is setting you up for much brighter things in life. Well poop. Looks like I'll be having that small house with a cat or four, and the couple children, and the husband that doesn't mind when I stay all day in the kitchen making cookies. Oh wait, that's the goal in life. So mister army man, once you think the cookie baking, glitter loving, physically weak girls are a good idea for the army, we'll talk. :)

On another note, my high school career ends in just under one hundred days. For some reason this number scares me. I've never been a grade A goodbye teller. (Uhm. Tears snot sniffles. Yes, this girl does better with hellos.) Anywho, I think it's just watching all my friends grow up around me. Big deal if I turn the big one eight on thursday. It's another birthday. But my friend going on his mission in just under one hundred days?! That's huge. He's still that awkward freshman who used to compete for man badges, not hold girls' hands, and get shots because he's probably leaving the COUNTRY for his mission. Part of me can't handle that; that's great that you're growing up. But could you be like every average kid and come home so I can still see you? OKAYAWESOMETHANKS. This leads to the whole , I'll probably be a skype queen at college next year for a bit. My best friend has one year left before he gets transformed into a marriage worthy and religiously sound man. Is that weird that I have this insane need to count down to it? Probably. Point of this? I'm scared. Excited? Yes. Ready to not have to talk to some people ever again? Yes. Terrified to start facing the world all grown up? Yes. Yee-haw. 

Sunshine:

• I have got finger waves pro. Seriously, I'm becoming such a theatre mom. It's official. Can a get a name tag that has: "Hello, My name is YOUR FAVORITE THEATRE MOM."
• Mme H has another grandbaby. 
• Relaxing evening with a second family.
• Calm nights with the swoons of Ella and Louis. <3
• Freedom Writers
• Brothers 
• Family

Thunderstorms:

• People. It may just be everything going on but it feels like people are just successfully becoming so stupid. Blows my mind.
• Lumpy Ladies. 
• Government. That class can grab a sack lunch and take a hike. So done. 

Today was good. But now it's time to sleep. It'll be a long day tomorrow. Hooray! [We open in basically a week. Thrilling, no?] Have a FANTASTIC weekend, lovelies!