I'm thinking is about time for letters again.
Because I don't understand.
There's so much I wish I could say,
But this thing called my fears,
It stops me.
It stops this thought process that wants to let the truth spill from my lips
Only to form a puddle at my feet.
I wish I could cut these out, decorate them and hand them out.
But that will never happen.
<3 <3 <3
Dearheart,
You're the first one on here for a reason.
You are driving me crazy.
Sucking my energy is like a game.
And you've won.
I give up.
You get the gold star, the gold medal, the blue ribbon.
It's all yours.
I love you.
So much.
But this is ridiculous.
You're shutting me down.
Actually, I'm shutting myself in order to not have to explain my self.
Explain how you tore me down.
How you took a friendship that I didn't take lightly,
And you crushed it like a sugar cube in your palm.
I could do nothing to stop you.
I trust you unconditionally.
But the last bit has been so painful.
You won't understand the pain, the tears, the confusion of what I did wrong.
You won't understand hitting that wall and sobbing in my bed.
You will never fathom that feeling.
You spilled lies like pouring out lemonade on a hot day.
It's normal to "wish to hold someone all the time"
And then not have "time" for you.
I know what you said.
Somewhere, I must have missed the meaning behind it.
My deepest apologies.
But, on a sunshine note, I'm glad you're back.
I'm glad that we've been talking.
I've missed you.
Hello again,
We haven't talked in ten years.
It's crazy how fate works, yes?
I liked you.
A lot.
And you liked me.
I'm glad you awkwardly found me.
It brightens my day.
I hope the last ten years have been utterly fabulous.
Seriously.
Let's meet up and the sneaker?
Or should I go out of my way and see Battle of the Bone.
Would you go to that?
Yes sir. :)
Honey,
Thank you sweetheart for talking with me.
For noticing how out of place I looked.
I'm not family.
I'm not mormon.
I was there so early.
And you talked to me.
Yes, about flowers smelling like taco meat,
But you made me look like less of a moron.
I wish you luck in your audition.
Because you're going big.
I want you to succeed. So bad.
I wish you all the luck I could possibly give to someone.
Go kick some tush, darling.
What are you doing, love?
Really.
Stop reminding me of her.
I know.
I've known.
Yet you continue to need me.
I'm not going to fight it.
You give me sunshine in bottles.
I get to store them on shelves in my heart.
You are one of the sole reasons I love coming to school.
So bathe in the light you give me.
Thank you for making me feel like I'm worth something.
It's really quite wonderful.
My gossip buddy,
I'M SO SORRY.
So sorry I was an idiot, and now I can't take you out dancing.
I wish that I could.
So bad.
And I want to bad to let you know that you're the number one.
These girls are stupid for not picking you.
You're my first pick.
Seriously.
But these lines I'm trapped in, I have to follow.
Unfortunately, you're not in the lines.
We'll do this.
One year. <3
Dear God,
Seriously,
I'm not a fan of this.
Please fix everything.
I hate seeing worry in those I love eyes.
I just want it to go to a simple time.
That pure joy from Tuesday's lunch?
Yes. Like that.
When we're back to a time that was happy.
Take the stupid chaos out and leave us be.
I want that so bad.
Eff up my life as much as you want.
You've giving me these stupid, horrible dreams.
That's messing me up as it is.
Now, just let all my babies, friends, family be.
Take me.
Love,
JB
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