Sometimes !

Sometimes: 

I see the world through rose colored glasses

I dance in the shower

I'm real to myself

I can't contain my excitement

I refuse to be walked on

I just want to wear sweats and play board games 

I'm in the mood to listen to Regina Spektor

I like the thrill

I'm fully happy

Day Of Lasts

“Thus meditating you will no longer strive to build yourself up in your prejudices, but, forgetting self, you will remember only that you are seeking the Truth.”

The truth that I found tonight was that it was the last time that I was going to dwell. Last time that I was going to listen to the same voice in my head going, 'you aren't worth this'. This last time thinking that I'm childish and unworthy. 

Starting tomorrow, it's time to be real with myself and get down with the beauty. 

That last phrase was a little odd. 

On other notes, my french book came. School needs to start now. I'm ready. I'm excited for four hours of advisory...

What?

And I've decided somethings. 

Like: Boys are idiots. When their ego's are up, screw having a slight chance.

And I'm happy. Really. 

I just enjoy knowing that someone is there to listen. 

And want to have a dance party in the street. I've done it alone, now I want friends.

But! You can't always get what you want. 

That's plain obvious, thanks life. 

"I might be losing my mind, but there's one thing that I know!

I'm finally ready, so ready to go!" 

-- Me and My Dick (A Musical)

After spending five days away from the weather, the craziness, the heartaches, and happiness from Spoland, I'm glad to be back. But within the last several hours of being home, I haven't ever wanted a shower more, I've managed to get the opportunity to run to Noodle for a food run, and can't find my license. 

If you need to know one thing about me, it's the fact that I loose everything. I set everything down, and walk away from it. Would making signs that say "License/Wallet Here" and "You're Camera!" and " The Pod is Here!" actually help?

So, my part way cleaned room is back to square one. Thanks brain, you really don't want me to leave. 

ALSO! On another, happier note. If you need some ridiculously good reading material, you should pick up: Tsumani Blue by Gayle Ann Williams

It was such a fabulous book, I honestly couldn't put it down. haha. Hey, you meet the two leads in the first chapter. It's hella good. Go to: gayleannwilliams.com for more information on that. It's seriously such a good book. Yay for San Juan writers! Amen for her working in this little beachy shack. Seriously, I met her and her personality was sunshine. Love her.

Umm, I'm going to try to update what with songs, poems, thoughts, irritations, umm, and 'Letters To High Heavens'. 

So yeah, I'm long gone. I've gone from such a freak, and even though I was a freak before, I'm fully happy being one now. Who doesn't love dancing to A Very Potter Musical in their bras while brushing their teeth? I LOVE IT! haha. 

"Lord have mercy!

Are we Ready To Go"

Doormat

Doormat.
People Pleaser.
The 'Go Ahead, Stomp on Me'
The 'Yes, I'm okay. Promise.'
Always wear that smile, darling, things won't change.
Need a Kleenex?


It makes me gag,
Trying to fill
Such a mold 
That is bent in places that I can't bend.
You twist, and pull me into positions
I'm not strong enough to hold
I break
I fall
It's never going to work

Swallowed / Golden

Swallowed.


It's not pleasant, that sinking feeling in your stomach, when you know the words to say, and something in your head goes, "Hah! Like that's going to happen, you idiot."


Or when the perfect person passes you by, and you're turned the other way, only to notice their perfect head of hair running the opposite direction.


Or when your cornered. And finding your way out isn't a chance. Too bad that you've got opinions and they might be true, too bad you're a great person, but you just got swallowed. So, hide your face for a while, put yourself at ease. 


Golden.


It's being told that you're worth a gold star. (Glee anyone?) 


It's finding out that you're the light of someone you've been reaching out for.


It's knowing that your fully content and happy, and you don't need anything else in the world to fill you any more. The rest of it's just the joy sprinkled on top like fancy M&M's or something. 




Being golden, and finding yourself is a journey. You're a brand new black canvas. You smell funny, the color's stain you, change you, and once you've been colored in, your adventure on life takes off. 


I'm sixteen years doodled in. 


I'm ready for my adventure.